Your time at university can be one in which you go through a number of changes. As you meet new people and experience new things, you may notice differences in yourself that make your earlier life feel increasingly distant. One way in which many international students find this to be true is growing apart from friends. While that can often be a source of powerfully mixed emotions, it is not unusual. Follow our three top tips for handling the issue, and you may find that it is something you can navigate – whether by reconnecting or moving on.
1. Let life take its course
Life changes for all of us. For better or worse, many things do not and cannot stay the same as we make our way through the world. As such, there will always be a need to accept that some things simply happen, and this can include growing apart from friends.
As an international student, you may be more likely than others to experience this feeling of dislocation. Whether your friends are people you have grown up around, or ones with whom you have formed a quick, tight bond, making the move to a long-distance relationship may not be easy. The realisation that you are now living different lives in very different places – and possibly different countries – can be a hard thing to handle. In addition to the overall process of adapting to your new environment, this is a challenge that goes beyond the experiences of many students, and so you shouldn’t feel like it is wrong to find it difficult.
It may help to think about people with whom you have lost touch in the past. It is very likely that there are several from different points in your life. At the time, your separation may have felt impossible to handle – or alternatively, you may not have even noticed that it happened. Either way, from the position you are in now, it is very likely that the change is something with which you have dealt. With the distance of a few years, it may just not feel so raw. Ultimately, time heals.
For some focused advice, it may also be worth visiting your university’s international office, or getting in touch with one of its international student societies.
The former provide dedicated support for students who have arrived from other countries. They may therefore be well placed to discuss your situation with you, coming from a place of understanding and experience. They may also be able to put you in touch with other services if you feel you are in need of additional support, such as counselling.
The latter are some of the places where you are most likely to meet people who are experiencing similar things. Many universities have a wide array of societies dedicated to students from countries all around the world, as well as ones with common interests. Some of the people you find there may already have dealt with the issue themselves, and thus be in a good position to help you do the same – they may even become new friends.
2. Make an effort to stay in touch
Of course, losing touch with your friends back home is not always inevitable. If being apart from someone causes you prolonged discomfort, that could well be a sign that it is absolutely worth making more effort to keep them in your life. Additionally, it points to a good chance that they feel similarly, and would greatly appreciate staying in contact with you where possible.
You may be the sort of friends who send each other jokes and funny videos multiple times a day, or ones who share deeper updates every now and again. However you operate, there is a chance that this may change, quite possibly leading to less regular communication. Nonetheless, this does not mean that you should resign yourself to losing touch completely. Even if you find yourself moving from meeting every day to messaging once a week, you can take the positive: that one day might mean more to you now than it did before. Lasting friendships are about quality, not quantity.
If you can keep a friendship going while you are apart through phone calls and text messages, you should still have a lot to look forward to when you are able to meet in person. Where possible, make plans to see your friends. It doesn’t always have to be a firm commitment to a particular time and place, but simply knowing that you will see each other again will provide you with something to look forward to. This can be a huge help when you are adjusting to life in a new country, and especially if travelling home is not straightforward.
3. Bring your home life into your student life
If you are still keen to see your friends, but are unable to do so as soon as you would like, a good alternative may be to bring a slice of home into your university life.
Much as with dealing with homesickness, turning the things that you miss into things that give you a warm feeling can greatly help you handle the sense that you are growing apart from friends. Rather than dwelling on the fact that they are far away, you can do some of the things that you enjoyed doing with them in your new home. The memories they hold don’t have to bring you sadness – they can be a welcome reminder of what you have to look forward to upon your return.
Bringing your home life with you can be as simple as cooking that delicious meal that no-one in your new surroundings has tasted, or as big as making plans for a much-loved cultural celebration. Particularly if you are studying in a large city, it may not be too hard to find places and people that can make these things happen. Diaspora populations encourage the opening of varied international food stores and supermarkets, and often come together for festivities and general meet-ups. Try to seek out these reminders of home – you never know what and who may be out there.
Ultimately, this may also remind you of one of the fundamental truths that being an international student reveals: we are all living in the same world. During your time at university, you will continually encounter brand new cultures, personalities and ways of life. This can make it an exciting experience, but as you become accustomed to the changes and differences, you may come to realise that they are not always as big as they seem. Not only will making new friends be possible, but it will also not have to be at the expense of your old ones. Studying abroad is about expanding your horizons, but also recognising that every part of your life can fit within them.
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